Heliotropic List #8
7 quotes from Gabor Mate + Rick Reuben
Merry Christmas! Earlier this week, I was listening to a Podcast and some of what was said was just so good that I had to stop what I was doing and write it down. As the boss of this newsletter, I decided to break my own rules this week to share 7 of these quotes with you.
Most of the quotes are from Doctor Gabor Maté, a Canadian physician interviewed by Elizabeth Day on How to Fail. Second, was recommended by a friend (hey Brynn, if you’re reading). It’s an interview with Rick Reuben on the Jay Shetty Podcast.
By the way, if you haven’t read Gabor’s book The Myth of Normal, it’s a must. I haven’t read Rick Reuben’s book The Creative Act: A Way of Being, but I definitely plan to.
I leave you with the quotes to stand alone by themselves and some thoughts at the end.
"Since suppressing ourselves was a necessity in childhood in order to be accepted, we actually subconsciously identify inauthenticity with survival. Once you identify inauthenticity with survival, it's a hard one to lose." — Gabor Maté
"We weren't cavemen at all, we were hunter gatherers. we lived in nature in small bound hunter gatherer groups, very much connected to our gut feelings, which is the essence of authenticity. Any creature living in the wild, how long does it survive if it's not connected to its gut feelings? So we have no choice but to be connected to our authenticity." — Gabor Maté
"To understand something deeply, is not the same as having worked it through. One also has to deal with how that emotion or reaction is still lodged in ones organism." — Gabor Maté
"If there's a nature, it's not determined in a sense that we're obligated by our nature to behave in particular ways. We have a nature in the sense that we have needs, like any creature does. The analogy I use in the book is that an acorn has in its nature to become an oak tree, but not under any conditions. Put it on this wooden table and there'll be no oak tree. It needs the right soil and irrigation for it to manifest its true nature. Same with human beings." — Gabor Maté
“Your conflicts, all the difficult things, all the problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard. They’re actually yours. They’re specifically yours, designed for you by a part of yourself that loves you more than anything else. That part of you that loves you more than anything else has created road blocks to lead you to yourself. You’re not going to go in the right direction unless there’s something pricking on the side telling you, “look here, this way.” That part of you that loves you more than anything else loves you so much that it does not want you to lose the chance. It will go to extreme measures to wake you up. It’ll make you suffer greatly if you don’t listen… what else can it do? That is its purpose.” So in that sense, our failures are designed for us by part of ourselves to teach us something.” Gabor: “I make the same case about a lot of illnesses as well, these difficulties, these challenges, relationship breakups, whatever they happen to be.” — Gabor Maté quoting A.H Almaas
"If the trauma is the interpretation I made of that wound I sustained, well that can be healed at any time." — Gabor Maté
“As an artist, if you like it, that’s all of the value. The success comes when you say ‘I like this enough for people to see it,’ not ‘other people like it so it’s successful.’ Other people liking it out of your control. All that’s in your control, is making the thing to the best of your ability.” — Rick Reuben
What was your favourite quote this week? Comment the number below.
Mine is a tie between 1, 3, 4 and 5.
Number 1, because the idea of humans associating inauthenticity with survival was new for me. It acknowledges that authenticity is hard biologically, but also a necessity worth striving for.
Number 3 because it locates trauma in the body, not the mind. Trauma stored in the body needs to be released through the body with somatic practices — which is a relief because it’s so much easier than talk-therapy on its own. This perspective also affords us self-patience in the midst of our own reactions.
Number 4 because I think it very importantly acknowledges our environment has a major part to play in the unfolding of our potential. I think it lets us off the hook a bit because in childhood these factors weren’t within our control, yet they shape who we become. Knowing this, we can be more compassionate toward ourselves for our personal limitations. But at the same time, it empowers us to always be taking care of our environment (like you would do for your plants) to the best of your ability to give yourself the greatest chance to thrive.
Number 5 because after my first real life altering challenge as an early twenty-something, I always felt in my core that number 5 is true. Seeing it put into words so beautifully and clearly as “our failures are designed for us” was a great reminder — mainly because it suggests the importance of listening to that quieter inner-knowing we all have to do the things you deep down know you’re meant to — because if you don’t, it’ll come back to bite you in some larger more dramatic way later down the line.
Special mention to number 7, because I think it’s a much gentler attitude to creativity that positions us to focus on the process because creating something you love is surely more gratifying in the moment than something you’re self-conscious about other people liking. This sentiment gives us permission to trust our own tastes — which Reuben believes is actually a great gauge for what other people are most likely to be into.
That’s all from me for now — have a very Merry Christmas 🎄🎄🎄